18 Days of Sober Takeaways: Day 2
How Addiction Hijacks Decisions
One of the things I remember most clearly about drinking is how many conversations I had with myself.
I would decide I wasn't going to drink, and then I would spend the rest of the day explaining why I probably should.
The argument was usually quite convincing: I’ve worked hard. I’m tired. I’m going out. Someone else is drinking. I deserve to relax. Tomorrow will be different.
And the strange thing was that I could see what was happening while it was happening - yet still feel powerless to stop it.
At the time, I interpreted this as a failure of character. I thought I should be able to exercise some discipline and simply make a better decision.
But the problem wasn't simply that I’d made bad decisions. My relationship with alcohol had changed the decision-making process itself.
My frontal lobes were impaired, and I was operating from a very primitive place by relying on old tools that I used in my younger years to manage current day situations.
Years later, Step One of the 12-step recovery program suggested by Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) gave me a different way to understand it.
Step One asks you to realize that you are powerless over alcohol. You don’t need to process why or how. You just need to accept that you are powerless.
And that brings me back to yesterday’s question: what I had to learn and do to replace drinking – the destructive self-soother - with other things.
Can you believe these were things that people the world over may have tried at some point in their life?
Yup! This is what worked for me…learning magic, doing jigsaw puzzles, and hiking…self-reflection, therapy, and AA meetings…communication, honesty and showing up.
What didn’t work, however, was trying to cut my drinking at my pace.
More on that tomorrow, Day 3 of my 18 Days of Sober Takeaways from #NationalSoberDay to the start of #SoberOctober.
If you’d like to start on Day 1, you can find it here: 18 Days of Sober Takeaways - Day 1
To further explore any of the topics raised in my 18 Days of Sober Takeaways, or if you’d like support in stopping drinking, please visit:
Substack: Sally Cardy - Transformative Recovery Solutions