18 Days of Sober Takeaways: Day 8
Shame
Shame had been part of my life for a long time, and I had become very good at using it against myself.
When I did something that I regretted, I rarely left it at the behavior itself. I turned it into evidence that there was something fundamentally wrong with me.
Step Six of the 12-step recovery program suggested by Alcoholics Anonymous brought that pattern into focus.
It asks that you be willing to let go of the character flaws that drive your drinking.
And to accept that you need help from something bigger than yourself – a ‘higher power’ which could be religious or anything else you find strengthening.
I understood the idea of character defects, but I also knew how easily I could use the language to give myself another reason to feel bad.
So, I began to wonder whether some of the characteristics I had spent years criticizing were actually ways I’d learned to protect myself.
That didn't mean I was excused from taking responsibility for how I behaved or for the ways those behaviors affected other people.
It meant I could look at myself with more curiosity and less judgment.
Instead of asking what was wrong with me, I could ask why I had learned to respond that way and whether I still needed to.
For someone who had spent years turning every mistake into a self-judgment, this was a completely new perspective.
But it wouldn’t be the only new thing I’d encounter in recovery.
A new type of sobriety would be making itself known, as I’ll reveal tomorrow, Day 9 in my 18 Days of Sober Takeaways from #NationalSoberDay to #SoberOctober.
If you’d like to start on Day 1, you can find it here: 18 Days of Sober Takeaways - Day 1
To further explore any of the topics raised in my 18 Days of Sober Takeaways, or if you’d like support in stopping drinking, please visit:
Substack: Sally Cardy - Transformative Recovery Solutions